What I Learned From The Worst Year Of My Life

I had been in a season of testing. As I approached turning 45, I was having trouble with this milestone. Something about it felt so ominous, final, conclusive.

One of my biggest fears is to die before I finish what I am here to do. And for some reason, this fear whispered to me closely like a conspirator hatching a caper.

Then, a tumor was found in my head. Non-cancerous but still a threat.

Just before that, my beautiful-handsome nephew was born prematurely weighing in at less than a paperweight of just 2 pounds. He was in the NICU for 4 weeks fighting for his life.

The year seemed like it had given me its worst and was set to settle when my first friend and grandmother fell sick suddenly and died within a week. Her absence is like a big expanse of emptiness where her love has loomed large for my entire life. I am simultaneously in awe of all that she showed me and in deep gratitude for the love that she gave me. Even as I write this I am still navigating the effects of grief that comes in waves like a tsunami.

It is no surprise then that this is the first year that I was personally – on a cellular level – introduced to panic attacks. I went to urgent care, certain that I was having a heart attack. But, no. It was anxiety constricting my airflow.

I’m calling it the year of the Ns. A microadeNoma (tumor). A nephew. A Nana. And paNic attacks. (It’s my story and I’m sticking to it. :-))

That year was a season of testing.

A Setback Can Be A Setup

Carried within all of this chaos was a hidden gift: clarity. Death brings depth-of-field. I feel ever more connected to myself and my purpose and tighter integration of my identities that there is a white-light shining on my truth.

I sometimes forget what makes me me and I subsequently slip out of alignment with the way that I choose to live. But, I am feeling drawn to remember.

I am honoring this season that I’m in with deep meditation and a resolute intention to integrate my lessons, to slow down, to listen to my body.

I invite you to notice what season you are in. Your season has nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with where you are now in your life and what is next for you.

How To Make A Comeback

We all find ourselves at low points in life. It happens when we are presented with bad news, when our expectations have not been met (by someone else or ourselves), or when we feel like we are running “late” to meet a milestone.

To turn your life around, it can help to remember 3 things:

SENSE YOUR SEASON. It might be time to rest and rejuvenate. Or to be with the “not doing”, in other words, sitting in stillness. Your season is here to gift you lessons but only if you are open to listening.

OBEY YOUR TRUTH. We often do know what we want but we second-guess that inner wisdom (or we try to “just keep going”) because our truth feels impractical, illogical, or shameful in some way. The longer that we resist our truth, the more difficult it will be to develop contentment.

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE. You are strong. There is good purpose in you being alive right now with your unique brand of characteristics. Learn to lean into letting you be you.

Recommended Confidence Resources

Granted, it can be difficult to overcome negative feelings and self-talk on your own. Here are a few resources that can help you to develop deeper confidence and create your next great comeback:

1 – Books To Boost Your Confidence

These books could help you see the bigger picture and regain your confidence to move forward.

2 – The Knowing Woman Confidence Course

And if you would like to self-serve into more fullness, more alignment, more delicious freedom in being uniquely you in any season, then there might be a spot in the confidence course just for you.

3 – Strong Woman Quotes

Strong women raise strong women. Here are a few quotes that might raise you up.

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