How I Turned My Pain Into Medicine

Malikah Greene is a force of nature. When you meet her, you immediately know that she is a woman who simply refuses defeat. In this blog post, she shares what catapulted her from the brink of financial ruin to proudly owning her own business full-time as a mom of two amazing boys.

As usual, there was a relationship involved. Actually, there were three. The abusive relationship that was the burning catalyst for starting over, the money relationship that she transformed, and the one with herself that she healed. 

She aims to inspire women, provide you with financial intelligence and tools, and show you that healing your money relationship could be the beginning of transforming your life. 

In her own words, she shares her story…

What Is Your Story?

It was December 14. Right at midnight, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted my birthday gift. I was making cupcakes. I said sure. I was looking in the bowl mix and not paying him any attention. I thought he might just hand me something.

When I glanced over to him, he was down on one knee. 

When he asked me to marry him, I hesitated. I knew I didn’t really want to marry him. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with that man. But I knew he had been drinking that day, and I knew how he would get when he became angry or when he didn’t get his way. 

I stopped, looked at him, and I said something like, “Yeah, crazy, um, put the ring on.”  All the while thinking I needed to get out of there. 

I needed to move back home closer to family and send him back to his family because I was the breadwinner in our relationship. He couldn’t afford to go back home without me. I didn’t want to call the police and make them move him that way. I wanted to do it without involving other people, without sending him to jail, and without putting myself at further risk.

But, first I needed a new job closer to my family which took over a year. I had interviewed for the job when I went home that year for Christmas.

I Finally Moved But…

Once I did move back to South Carolina, I proceeded to make plans to send him back to his family, who lived in North Carolina. It had to be a stealth mission, a covert operation that he couldn’t know about until it was too late.

I got an apartment. But since he was not working, we couldn’t put his name on the lease, the bills, or anything. During this time we were still fighting. We had the police called on us several times. 

I would never tell the police exactly what was going on because I didn’t want to put him in jail. I just wanted him away from me. But, he was still living in my apartment.

One weekend after I had moved back home, one of my old college classmates, my cousin and I decided to hang out for the weekend. We went to CIAA weekend in Charlotte in February.

He thought I was going to leave my car for him to drive. But I did not. I wanted my own transportation with me. He was upset about that the whole weekend. 

He kept calling me, saying mean things like how I had messed up his weekend. He hoped something happened to my car. He said that I made him sick. I had to block him for that weekend to be able to focus on having a good time with my friends. 

When I got back, my cousin was with me. She came into the apartment to use the bathroom and wash her hands. As she was wiping her hands, I was holding the towel.  

Then, he was behind her with the gun pointed at her head. I saw the gun and he mouthed to me, “Get her out of here.” 

I was careful not to respond to him. Instead, I walked her outside so she wouldn’t look behind her. 

Once we were outside, she said: “Come ride with me”. 

It was on that day that I knew that I had to get him out of my house faster than I initially planned.

The Final Altercation

On Monday, I went down to the courthouse and inquired about how to get him to leave my apartment since he refused to leave although I was clear that I no longer wanted to be with him. 

As I explained my situation at the courthouse, I still didn’t share the details of the altercations that we were having. I was told since he was not on any of the bills and since he was not expected to pay anything, that they could just issue an order for him to be out in five days.

He was served the papers when I was at work. He immediately called me and let me know what was going on. I knew not to go back to the apartment that night. I got a cheap hotel room that night and came back the next morning to grab clothes so that I could change before I went back to work. 

And of course, he started a fight. He tried to take my keys, pushed me, and yelled at me. Then, he followed me to the parking lot as I was trying to get to my car and leave.

He threw my keys into the grass. He will not let me go without him. I got in and let him into the car, but instead of driving to work, I drove to the police station. When he realized we were getting close to the police station, he grabbed the steering wheel and I slammed on the brakes.

We were in the middle of a four-way stop and I prayed to God that somebody would hit us because I was so ready for it to be over. Just take me out. I was tired of fighting. 

Finally, he let me come back into the apartment. But, he told me that he needed money.

Over time, he asked for money for a haircut, a job interview, money for medication for his mom, and money to get on the bus to go find a job. I gave him money in small amounts. 

The Court Intervened

We had a court date. Before our appearance, I still tried to get him to leave. I purchased him a train ticket to his parent’s house one-way. Around the same time, my relocation money, sign-on bonus, and tax refund were deposited into my account. Not too long after, he withdrew it. When I called him about it, he laughed. 

I never got my money back.

Meanwhile, he stayed in the apartment that I was paying for, while I was staying in a cheap hotel waiting for our court appearance. 

I told the judge that I no longer felt safe in my home and that my ex made it so uncomfortable that I was staying in a hotel even though I had an apartment in my name that I was paying for. I told the judge I no longer wanted to be with him but he refused to leave and I wanted him out of there. I let the judge know he is not on the lease, or any other bills, and it was never an agreement or expectation for him to pay for anything. 

The judge ordered him again another five days to be out.

And so then for those five days, I used my emergency credit card, which had a low balance. I think at that time it might have been $300 to purchase a cheap hotel room for those five days until he was gone.

When I went to the apartment to get my clothes, I called a police escort. Finally, my ex accepted the ruling and he moved out. 

But unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it. He was physically gone. He still would call me and threaten me and try to scare me. He would say he was watching me or that he was outside. 

What Was Your Financial Situation At the End?

The experience made me feel broke and broken, mentally and emotionally and spiritually, but financially. During that time, I found out that the engagement ring was in my name and my ex was not paying for it. The jewelry store kept calling me because they could not reach him.

I didn’t even have money for food or gas until payday yet I had to pay for a ring that I didn’t want.

One of my best friends loaned me money. She sent me more than I asked for without asking questions. And it helped me get through that tough time.

At the end of the year, I realized I had nothing to show for all the money I was making. I saw a free credit report commercial and I checked my credit score. Late payments on the ring along with a maxed-out credit card, had caused my score to literally tank.

That was the day I determined to never be broke another day in my life. 

How Did You Change Your Financial Health?

I began educating myself. I used to watch a lot of what people call ratchet TV. I watched the Real Housewives of Atlanta. In one of the episodes, Kandi Burris talked about how she got her finances together. She was always financially savvy from a young age. I

Instead of moving out of her mom’s house as soon as she got her first big check, she saved her money until she had 100k put away. 

She suggested the book, The Millionaire Next Door. I went out and bought that book. 

I read that book in 2 days. Not even a month later, the church that I attended offered a financial course, and the first thing that it mentioned was to start reviewing and tracking your expenses. I started seeing where I was spending extra money, where my money was going, and what I wanted to stop spending money on.

I realized that I had a significant amount of money that I was wasting for a single woman living in a low-cost-of-living city. 

Once I realized how much extra money I had available, I created a plan to start paying off my debts. It was tax time so I took that refund check that I received and put it into a savings account for emergencies. Not only did I create the plan to change my money habits, but I studied extra ways of creating additional income such as making and selling cookies, meal prepping for friends, and selling really old junk in the house that I didn’t need. I worked overtime. 

What do you suggest for other women to improve their finances?

These are the six things that I suggest to anyone who is trying to get on track financially and who is trying to get out of a bad situation.

1 – Get educated on personal finance. 

Read personal finance books. The Millionaire Nextdoor and The Psychology of Money are good ones. My personal favorite is Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth. Education is key.

2 – Review all of your expenses.

You need to be able to see where you may have additional income so that you can do the next step.

3 – Set money aside.

This is key to having resources in case you need to escape a bad situation (like me) or take care of unexpected expenses. 

4 – Pay off debt.

Once you have some money set aside, create a plan for paying off your debt that will allow you to focus on the next step which is…

5 – Save more money.

The goal is to set yourself up for financial freedom by having enough to cover your emergencies and to begin step 6.

6 – Start investing.

You want to invest your money so that it will work for you without you having to work so hard for it. 

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Bio:

Malikah Greene lives in South Carolina with her two vibrant “sonshines”. She is an entrepreneur and a money coach dedicated to helping corporate moms create financial exit plans to transition into full-time “mompreneurship”.

Her passion is giving women the resources, skills, and tools through her workshops and money coaching program to take charge of their finances.

Connect with Malikah on Facebook.